One of my favorite quotes in the therapy world is from social worker and family therapist Virginia Satir who said:
“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
What To Do When The Shoulds Get In Your Way
Too often and too easy do we get stuck cycling and circling through the same problem with the same unhelpful solution. Why? It’s not because of a lack of trying or lack of desire to get things right. It’s because we continue to invest in a solution for what we THINK it will provide as opposed to looking with clear vision at what it does not provide. Sometimes we get so invested on THE ONE way that we fail to see that this one way may be causing more setbacks or barriers than we realize.
Why? It is because we are already in a vulnerable state that the door is easily opened to fear coming in to join us. When fear plays a part in our decisions, it holds the power of being upfront and first in line. And because fear is not something that is comfortably warm and fuzzy, we do everything we can to make it go away, and fast. We make decisions that are less than optimal and that do not honor our true selves and heart’s desire. They are colored in fear and lead us down the wrong track. When we let go of fear when approaching life’s challenges and instead replace it with gratitude, empathy, and love, we find that coping no longer becomes such an onerous task and instead becomes just part of our daily living on this earth, our journey from point A to point B.
When we allow ourselves to be present in our experiences and let go of the “shoulds” that tend to color our decisions, we allow ourselves to create a new us, a new chapter, and a new story.
Reflections For Today:
- What am I currently doing that’s getting in my way?
- When I step back to consider why, do I find myself allowing the answer to easily come to me OR am I evaluating it with judgment?
- Are there “shoulds” attached?
- What are they and where do they come from?
- If the “shoulds” were gone, what answer is left and how do I feel about it?
- If I were to give it a try, what positives would it create?
DOWNLOAD the free worksheet.
This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one’s potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life. – Carl Rogers
